Healing from church hurt can feel next to impossible. If you’re a believer, you likely put a lot of your time, energy, and faith into the church. Unfortunately, far too often, the people in charge, those “behind the scenes,” or even members of the congregation, can cause more pain than you ever imagined. While that might not have anything to do with your core belief system, it can change the way you feel about the church, in general, and can even impact your faith.

No matter where you are on your personal faith journey, wounds from within the church can keep you stuck until you truly start to heal from the hurt caused by the church. So, what can you do to heal? How can you move forward? Let’s cover a few effective solutions that can help you on your journey.

Acknowledge Your Abuse

It’s tempting to want to downplay church hurt, but it’s important to recognize that when church leaders who are in positions of power wound you, i.e., use their authority to control, criticize, condemn, judge, it needs to be called what it is—abuse. Church leaders are held to the highest of standards, and misuse of this power differential can cause severe traumas for vulnerable congregants.

A true leader of faith seeks understanding, encourages, nurtures, accepts and cares for the vulnerable entrusted to their spiritual care. If someone did something to cause you to feel “less than,” that can be hard to let go of. That’s especially true when those accusations come from a church leader.

Acknowledging what you’ve been through is the first step toward true healing. It’s not an easy step, and it might expose some scars that you’ve been trying to hide. But the longer you ignore your pain, the harder it will be to overcome.

Fault People, Not Your Faith

So many people who experience hurt from the church turn away from their faith. What you believe is a personal decision. But don’t let the wrongdoings of an individual (or multiple people) cause your relationship with your faith to change.

Remind yourself that everyone on this planet is a flawed individual. Remind yourself why you’ve been so strong in your faith for so long. Most importantly, remind yourself who God is. Just because a person or community lets you down doesn’t mean He isn’t there. God is against church hurt and anyone who practices against His character.

Seek Support

So often, churches become like small communities or families. That can be a wonderful, powerful, healing thing when it’s done correctly. But, if you’ve been involved in a church community that hurt you, leaving it can make you suddenly feel like you’re completely alone.

Not all church environments are healthy. If yours became toxic and you were hurt in the process, seek out a different kind of community. You might not be ready to go to a different church yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find support from others.

Lean on friends and family members. Join online forums or support groups, so you know you’re not alone in your experience. When you’re ready, reaching out to a mental health professional can even be beneficial. Church hurt can lead to anxiety, depression, confusion about your beliefs and other mental health concerns you shouldn’t have to go through alone.

Eventually, you might feel strong enough to seek out a new church community. Ideally, it’s a healthy one that can help you fully work through your healing process. Church hurt isn’t easy to get over, especially when you put your trust in people. But you can move forward by remaining strong in your faith and recognizing there are good communities out there. After a while, you might even be able to help others who have gone through the same things. Christian Counseling can also help support you in your healing journey. Reach out to schedule your first appointment.